Are you looking for the secret formula to make your clients fall in love with you (sometimes literally!)? I have a SUPER powerful technique I want you to know that will show you how you can build rapport with a client instantly!
The technique I am talking about is called “Matching” and it’s one of the most powerful techniques from the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming (known more commonly as just “NLP”).
This technique could be the difference between you closing a million dollar deal with your client or finding yourself back to square one.
And if you work in sales (and let’s be honest, we ALL work in sales nowadays if you really think about it) then this can be such an effective tool to have in your bag in order to influence the other party into not only feeling an affinity with you but also to follow your lead.
This is a really powerful thing which can build amazing rapport with the person you are interacting with.
I learnt this as part of the Best Online NLP Course I did to gain my NLP Master and I want to share it with you guys because it’s incredible to see, in action, how effectively this actually works and help you to create the connection you are looking for between you and your client!
If this can help you make that sale or improve your working relationships then my job here will be done.
WHAT IS NLP?
For those of you who are wondering, NLP is basically a system created by two university students back in the 70s.
These two guys were Richard Bandler and John Grinder and they didn’t understand why they were studying the typical psychology approach of focusing on the problems of the patients instead of just finding people who had cured themselves of these afflictions and model what they did!
Out of this independent research and curiosity they developed NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) which is a system that focuses on the senses such as Visual, Audio and Kinisthetic (feeling) and especially the way we see, hear and feel things internally when thinking about something.
By changing these modalities through Neuro Linguistic Programming Therapy they found a person is also able to change the way they feel about something and thus overcome phobias, create motivation where before there was none and condition themselves and others into changing their mindsets just like a computer can install or uninstall one of it’s programs.
NLP has also been found to be a huge game changer in the business world and, when wielded properly, can have great effects for you and your bottom line as THIS article from the guys over at “excellenceassured.com” shows!
LIKE A CHEAT CODE
Using this technique makes me feel like I’m playing a video game called “Life” and I’ve just entered a cheat code which enables me to skip all the hard work of building a connection over time and just switch it on by following a few key steps.
Obviously, like anything, you’ll get better and better over time with practice so keep at it and don’t get discouraged if at first you aren’t as skillful with this as you’d like to be.
For this reason I’d suggest trying to practice with as many people as possible in your day to day life so when it comes time to using it with a client you are calm and confident under pressure.
Disclaimer: I just ask you use this skill very responsibly and with your moral compass pointing firmly towards GOOD!
WHAT IS “MATCHING”?
Matching takes advantage of the fact that we innately like people who are similar to us.
This is due to the fact that these types of relationships create comfort and reduce the chance of confrontations. Peace is what we all desire deep down so it makes sense that like-minded people like to be with each other.
So then, what exactly is this “matching” technique all about?
In a nutshell, the idea is that if you copy your client (without being so obvious that they notice, which will instead have the opposite effect of what we are going for here) as you are interacting with them then they automatically develop an affinity with you and like you much more as a result.
Sounds easy right!?
Well, there is a little more to it than just that…
There are some fine details that go into really nailing this technique so it works on a very impressive level.
THE ART OF MATCHING
If you really want this technique to have incredible effects then you’re going to have to pay attention right now and focus on these next steps when you put this stuff into practice…
The first, and probably easiest step is to mirror your client’s body language and positioning.
What I mean by mirroring is that if your client has their right arm on their stomach you will put your left arm on your stomach, effectively creating a mirror image of the person you’re talking to (again, be subtle with the copying).
If they have their legs crossed then so will you, if they are leaning back then you will too etc.
The next step is matching the tone and speed of their voice (soft, deep, quick, slow etc)
Then you move onto their movements, if they use their hands while they speak then so will you etc.
Now for the two harder matching techniques which can take the level of rapport with you client to even greater levels but are a lot more difficult to nail…
The first advanced technique is to match the other person’s breathing, now unless they breath very loudly it’s going to be hard to do this but watching the rise and fall of their chest can help or even better keep in mind that people normally exhale when they are speaking so just breath out when the other speaks breath out as well.
If two people start breathing in unison with each other this creates an even deeper level of connection between the two.
The second advanced technique is to match the primary modality the other person uses.
What I mean by modality is… Does the person favour the visual, audio or kinisthetic (feeling) sense?
How you find this out can be achieved through two ways…
1. Watch the eyes (if they go up as they imagine or think while speaking then they are using the visual part of their brain. If the eyes go to the side then it’s audio they are using and if the eyes go down to the right (their right not yours!) they are accessing the feeling modality (down to the left means they are talking to themselves).
2. Another way to find out their favoured modality is to just listen to their language… For example: “I see what you mean” (visual), “I hear what your saying” (audio), “I feel the same way” (kinisthetic).
Once your clients favoured modality has been identified you just incorporate that type of language into your vocabulary when speaking to the other.
Examples could be “I see where you’re coming from”, “I hear you loud and clear” or “That feels right to me”.
Just the matching of body language alone will already build the rapport between you and your client but if you combine that with the other things I’ve mentioned you will actually see your client getting more and more interested and involved in the conversation and receptive to you.
What’s more, if you really get these matching techniques right then you can actually lead the other person! I’ve done this and it’s insane to see it work.
What happens is that when you’ve created a high enough rapport level then the changes that you make in your body language and breathing will be matched by the other person.
They will automatically shift in order to match what you are doing!
This is fantastic if you want to get a stressed out or anxious client breathing slower and relaxing their posture etc without even having to tell them.
I’ve used matching a lot and I tell you that it’s really effective, no BS!
Try this out for yourself and see how you can build incredible rapport with a client.
EVEN VIDEO CALLS ARE ENOUGH
You may be wondering if this only works when you are literally in the presence of the other person and the answer is no!
This is just as effective through video calls if you can see the other person and the gestures and body positioning they favour.
I remember whilst doing my NLP Master training I had a 1-on-1 Skype with the founder of the course, Mike Bundrant.
He is a very highly regarded and respected figure in the world of NLP and it was easy to see why by just speaking to him.
It wasn’t at all obvious to me at the time but looking back now I can see he used a lot of Matching techniques whilst speaking to me and it was insane how much I liked the guy after speaking with him.
I couldn’t even put it into words when my wife asked me later that night why I liked him so much, I could only explain it was a feeling and the vibe he transmitted!
Now I realise that, apart from also being a genuinely good guy, he is also an absolute master at matching. The fact it was a video call made no difference to the effect it had on me.
You can build amazing rapport with your client with this technique as long as you can see each other!
Don’t forget to really listen to your client!
You can copy all you want but if you don’t show you are actually interested in what they are saying then it goes without saying that they will quickly lose rapport with you!
Know that this not only works to build rapport with a client but with anyone and everyone.
If you want to improve your relationship with your in-laws, get that girl/guy to notice you or do a great job interview you can also use this “Matching” technique and the results are the same.
And remember a few key things:
* Practice makes perfect! Do it as much as possible throughout your daily life to build your expertise.
*Mirror your client’s body language and positioning
*Match the other person’s breathing
*Match the primary modality the other person uses
*Really listen to your client
*Use it responsibly!
Have fun seeing how this technique helps you to build irresistible rapport with your client, I’d love to know your experiences with this so please feel free to comment below!
(And if you want to learn how to do these NLP skills and many more (including Swish Patterns and Anchors) then check out my review of the Best NLP Course Online by clicking… HERE )