Working on learning how to heal anxious attachment is something that can greatly improve your mental health and interpersonal relationships.
There are a ton of challenging obstacles that rear their head when dealing with an anxious attachment style.
Negative self-thought to continually evaluating your importance in relationships can affect all areas of your life.
Fortunately, although an anxious attachment style can be challenging to manage, it is manageable.
With the help of unique therapies like Neuro-Linguistic Programming and self-evaluation, you can begin appreciating rather than evaluating relationships.
- What Are the Types of Attachment Styles?
- How to Heal Anxious Attachment
- 1. Stop yourself from being too available in relationships.
- 2. Start implementing boundaries early on.
- 3. It’s time to focus more on self-care instead of self-harm.
- 4. Get rid of harmful savior fantasies.
- 5. Avoid arguments when you know you’re emotionally triggered.
- 6. Start studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming for stronger mental health.
- Start the Healing Process Now!
What Are the Types of Attachment Styles?
There are three commonly discussed types of attachment styles people can experience over their lifetime: secure, insecure-avoidant, and insecure-anxious.
Let’s get into the details of each to help you identify whether you’re dealing with anxious attachment.
Insecure-Avoidant Attachment Styles
Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to focus primarily on self-sufficiency and independence.
You’ll be the type of person who relies mostly on yourself rather than others.
In many instances, you’ll be more likely to avoid intimate relationships because you think it’ll be easier or better to be on your own.
Most people suffering from insecure-avoidant attachment avoid intimacy at all costs.
They’ll be emotionally distant, refusing to let anyone get close to them in fear of losing their independence.
You might also find you believe that if you let anyone in, they’ll strip your freedom away from you.
Insecure-Anxious Attachment Styles
This attachment theory styles are more common than you’d think.
These individuals place intimacy at the forefront of their minds.
If your partner isn’t showing you the amount of emotional attachment you think you need, you believe they don’t care about you.
It’s common for anxious attachment types to obsess over their romantic partner and whether they’re meeting the expectations of both partners.
You may involve yourself more than necessary in your partner’s emotional availability, requiring constant reassurance.
Another massive factor of insecure-anxious attachment is a roller coaster of emotions resulting from a fear of abandonment.
Depending on their partner’s feelings, an anxious person will experience massive emotional highs and lows.
For example, if your partner seems irritated, you may spiral into a vast emotional downturn.
A common thought with this attachment style is that your partner will never meet the same deep connection you’re offering, leaving you alone in the end.
Secure Attachment Style
Secure attachments are much like their name suggests; you feel secure within your relationships without needing frequent reassurance.
You’ll have a solid emotional and mental connection with others you trust and believe in.
It’s also common for these partners to have healthy emotional responses and communication boundaries.
Living with a secure attachment style, you’ll maintain confidence in yourself and your partner.
You’ll understand you’re worthy of love and find your partner loves you in the best ways.
How to Heal Anxious Attachment
If you’re finding you’re spiraling more and more due to avoidant attachment patterns, it’s time to evaluate how you can improve your attachment wounds.
There are plenty of ways to begin the healing process, helping you have healthier connections with those you love.
1. Stop yourself from being too available in relationships.
The first thing everyone with anxious attachment experiences needs to consider is their availability.
Many times, the insecure feelings that arise are a result of having too much time on your hands.
You might find you have more free time than your partner, which can stir feelings of insignificance.
If you stop being too available and focus on outside activities, it can make a whole world of difference.
You’ll spend more time focusing on your interests rather than whether they’re calling and texting you regularly.
Getting involved in extracurriculars can also help to make you feel more worthy, giving you purpose in life outside of your relationships.
2. Start implementing boundaries early on.
As you begin to involve yourself in more activities, boundaries are also important for anxious-attachment individuals to consider.
It’s important to remember that you and your partner have limitations.
When you set specific “rules” in your relationship, you’ll find it easier to disengage from feelings of low self-worth.
Remember, you’re important too and should value your time just as much as your partner does.
If you let go of your needs instead of caring for someone else, you’re not setting healthy boundaries.
Give yourself time to enjoy the things you love without interruption.
3. It’s time to focus more on self-care instead of self-harm.
Self-harm behaviors are widespread in people dealing with anxious attachment triggers. Sometimes, they can be incredibly severe, such as self-mutilation, but the self-harm might seem insignificant most of the time.
For example, you may overeat, drink more alcohol than normal, or participate in other maladaptive anxious behaviors.
This is the best time to focus primarily on self-care, allowing yourself to work on your trauma healthily.
Start implementing healthier habits by treating yourself to a movie day or making your favorite healthy meal.
With better self-care, you’ll find you can avoid the negative effects of anxious attachment systems, like overeating, insomnia, and binge drinking.
4. Get rid of harmful savior fantasies.
Most people suffering from adult attachment disorders develop these coping mechanisms during childhood.
As such, you’ve likely begun developing savior fantasies where you rely on your partner to “save” you from yourself or a lack of love.
This thought process can be incredibly damaging not only to yourself but also incredibly pressuring to your significant other.
It’s time to work on your savior fantasies, preventing this coping mechanism from affecting your daily life.
There’s no benefit to putting your partners on pedestals, relying on them to save your mental health.
Not only is this unfair, but it can also cause you to miss massive red flags, allowing you to enter unhealthy relationships.
5. Avoid arguments when you know you’re emotionally triggered.
Living with an anxiety attachment style can be physically and mentally exhausting.
You might find specific situations trigger you, such as a partner not texting you back right away.
Sometimes, you might experience a revolving door of emotions without a specific trigger.
Avoid arguing with your partner during these instances regardless of why you’re feeling down or upset.
Allowing anger and insecurity to speak for you can cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Also, it can be challenging for those without an anxious-attachment style to understand the truth behind your words.
These arguments might result in you saying particularly hurtful things as a survival mechanism.
It can also engage your fight-or-flight response, forcing you to see your relationship as a dangerous situation you need to protect yourself from.
Unfortunately, this won’t lead to any productive discussions.
Instead, separating yourself from the situation can be a great idea.
Allow yourself time to look at the situation from the outside.
The more time you take, the easier it should be to understand you feel the way you do because of an emotional trigger.
6. Start studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming for stronger mental health.
One of the major tenets of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is self-reflection.
It’s an in-depth therapeutic style that helps individuals analyze their anxious attachment behaviors from the inside out.
You’ll be able to evaluate where your emotions are coming from and why they’re manifesting the way they do.
By taking an outside look at a situation, you’ll find it’s simpler to manage your anxious attachment form in your relationship.
Not only does NLP help with developing coping mechanisms, but addressing issues from their source.
Many individuals have found this therapy beneficial in dealing with childhood trauma and other psychological processes.
Over time, you’ll likely feel more self-worth and confidence to help guide you through maladaptive attachment styles.
The best part is that there are plenty of resources to use if you’re interested in beginning Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
A few top recommendations include:
NLP and Relationships – Joseph O’Connor, Robin Prior
NLP and Relationships is a fantastic read for anyone interested in improving their relationships through Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
It takes a unique look at romantic relationships and why your mental health could affect them.
With this guide, you can work through different NLP techniques and exercises to better your relationships.
Some of the key areas NLP and Relationships address include:
- Enhancing interpersonal communication
- Learning how to choose positive partners with healthy attachment patterns
- Understand how to be yourself in relationships to avoid disorganized attachment
- Feeling more comfortable unleashing your passion healthily
Law of Connection: The Science of Using NLP to Create Ideal Personal and Professional Relationships – Michael J. Losier
Law of Connection is a fantastic read from which married and dating couples can benefit.
By reading, you’ll begin gathering essential tools to help discover the positive effects of being in a healthy relationship.
Along with tips and tricks, you’ll find scripts and exercises to help you improve your attachment styles.
A few of the tenets explored in Law of Connection include:
- How to create positive rapport in all situations and attachment challenges
- Tools to use to calibrate conversations in a positive direction to avoid attachment difficulty
- Learning how to connect and communicate with others effectively
Improve Your Relationship Fast with NLP – Ian Tuhovsky
Improve Your Relationship Fast with NLP is essential for anyone looking to improve their partner, friend, or family relationships.
Using this guide, you can dissect interpersonal conflicts to understand what triggers can destroy your connections.
There are also plenty of tips to help improve your communication skills and experience healthier relationships.
Start the Healing Process Now!
If you’re curious about learning how to heal anxious attachment, there’s no better time to start than now.
With the advancements in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, you can begin working on past trauma to have healthier future relationships.
Also, you’ll find you’ll earn the strength you need to feel more secure within yourself.