How To Overcome Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

How To Overcome Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

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This can be difficult to describe, as many aspects of a person’s life must be considered. The classic example is that you may have had a close or distant relationship with your parents as a child.

This clinginess or distance can cause issues in adult life, as you may be too dependent or ignorant of others. This can affect your future relationships negatively to the point where you aren’t as trusting of people as you’d like.

Read on to get yourself out of this frame of being and to make some small steps to a better outlook. 

What’s Your Attachment Style? 

When we think of an attachment type, we may shrink the definition and find loose ways to apply them, but this can be more complicated as it requires you to do a lot of reflection.

You were likely exposed to some form of attachment in one way or another, but the clarification here is how you have responded to it. These examples we break down below.

Fearful Attachment

As children, we have a lot of needs and desires, so when we have these met for us by other people, it can be a form of verification that what we feel is valid.

This creates a confidence that can make us more confident and sure in ourselves.

However, you may get the opposite effect where these desires are ignored, or more attention should be given to the child. This can open many issues, as these people can grow up to both crave and actively avoid new relationships.

It can also affect your ability to communicate those needs, so you may struggle with these now when it comes to intimacy and self-expression. 

Secure And Insecure Attachments 

When we talk of the secure attachment style, we’re talking about a perfectly healthy relationship with the self. These people struggle less in these areas of attachment and expression.

The insecure aspect of this style s quite similar to the last type, but the main difference here is that an insecure individual will find it hard to form relationships in the first place.

For the other, you may be able to maintain one but fear it becoming too serious.  

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment 

These people are on the opposite side of the scale compared to anxious preoccupied people, and they may not even think about closeness out of a necessity to avoid them. 

These people may also doubt the efficacy of relationships as they may believe that their needs cannot be met, which leaves them emotionally unavailable.

On the extreme end, they may only trust themselves and isolate accordingly. 

How Do You Overcome This? 

How Do You Overcome This? 

First of all, going through any plan can be time intensive and require a lot of time and energy from you and others.

However, before taking any solid action, it may be a good idea to seek counseling so they can identify the issue and recommend any treatment.

It’s also important to note these mental symptoms can be cues for other problems or disorders, so be sure to consider this first. 

Practice Good Habits 

These will depend on the attachment style you experience, so if you suffer from anxiety, it’s a good idea to practice mindfulness and ways you can manage your thought process to help you deal with stressful situations.  

You might want to explore ways you can be more open to people, as when you are more relaxed and expressive with family and friends, the more you’re hoping they accept you, and in return, you get the validation that can do so much for your self-esteem. 

You should make a habit of doing weekly meetings, or you may want to meet with someone close to you so you can discuss boundaries.

Here you can make apparent what is off-bounds in terms of conversation. 

Confusing This With Trauma 

Part of the process is about being open about your past and accepting yourself for who you are, and while this can be difficult, the amount of confidence the more secure you are with this image, the better for your broader relationship with others.

You might be looking for a quick diagnosis, but the truth is that some people may suffer from past experiences that may be too traumatic to disclose and may be a contributing factor to your issue in the first place.

Here is where you want to seek the help of a professional who can help to unravel these and lead you to a more effective way of improving the effects of the attachment style. 

Communication Is Key 

Either with your partner or family member, be sure to be in the moment, so you can react to everything they say, but it can also make you a more empathetic person.

Ask yourself why they act the way they do so that you can understand them better.

If they get upset by something, find out why this is and why that particular topic causes that response.

If you’re not used to intimacy, this can be difficult, so if you find yourself or the other person is closed off, don’t get frustrated and follow the process. 

It can be very tempting to avoid any points of resentment, especially with parents, so if you spend more time speaking to them, you can get comfortable to the point where you discuss your concerns, and you begin to build from it and outwards.

Closing Thoughts

As well as this, it helps to have an open mind towards this, as you may feel entirely secure and confident in yourself, but the mention of something deeper may reveal something to you. 

This is why being accepting of yourself and others is really important, as there will come times in your life when you may need the help of others to be able to succeed, so starting somewhere is ideal. 

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